Despite lockdown, love is in the air, and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.
But for those with an allergy to all things saccharine and soppy, it can be a bit of a drag.
Here are 39 of the best (and worst) jokes about all things love, Valentine’s and relationships to keep you smiling through the day.
What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places!
Why do melons have to get married in churches? Because they cantaloupe!
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day? Hogs and kisses!
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They’re getting married in the spring!
What did the chef give their Valentine? A hug and a quiche!
What did one volcano say to the other? “I lava you!”
What did one pickle say to the other? You mean a great dill to me.
What did the painter say to her boyfriend? I love you with all my art!
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day? Because they’re scent-imental!
What is the difference between a calendar and you? A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day!
What did the one sheep say to the other? I love ewe!
What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day? I love you watts!
Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef? They’ll dessert you.
What did the bat say to their Valentine? You’re fun to hang around with.
What did the flame say to his friends after he fell in love? I found the perfect match!
What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!
What happened when the man fell in love with his garden? He wed his plants!
What do you call a ghost’s true love? His ghoul-friend.
What did one rabbit say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Some bunny loves you!
What do pigs give on February 14? Valen-swines!
Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank? It was a case of guppy love.
What did one magnet say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I find you very attractive!
What did one boiled sweet say to the other? It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.
What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day? You’re one in a melon!
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee lover on Valentine’s Day? Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.
What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny!
What did one oar say to the other? Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream? I’m sweet on you!
Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t suit his taste!
What did one fungus say to the other on Valentine’s Day? There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!
What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day? You’re my butter half!
What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse? “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
What’s the best part about Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet? “I find you very attractive.”
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion!
What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love? A stupid cupid!